I had every intention of updating this blog every time that we experienced the ripple effect this seizure condition, but it probably won't happen that way. The mental and physical exhaustion that comes with having seizures tends to wipe us out for a few days, and often leaves me in tears. Three years later, and I'm blubbering like a baby.
Generally, Adam's seizures happen during the night. Often, we can identify a trigger, but sometimes we can't. He wakes me up when they start and I go into Seizure Control-mode: I turn on the fan, pull the dog away from him (in case he kicks, also to cut down on body heat), pull the covers off, remind him to breathe, and get a wet, cold washcloth for his head.
It's over within a few minutes, sometimes closer to fifteen. Those are the hard ones... the ones that last a long time, while he's whining and crying and hurting. Those are the times I cry.
But there's so much more that happens, even after the physical seizure is over. Generally, he'll be able to calm down and relax back into sleep. I lie awake most nights, trying to turn off my brain. Since Adam doesn't work, he can usually sleep in the day after a seizure. I have to get up at 7:00 am the next morning, whether we were up late or not. This usually leads to me oversleeping.
Each time this happens, it's as if we each get a slap in the face that our lives will never be normal.
This is the "collateral" part of the seizures. Much like the seizures can't be controlled, the ripple effect reaches all other parts of our lives.
I know that I signed up for this. I was only dating Adam for for a couple of days when he revealed the life-altering story that left him with this condition. Maybe he told me to warn me, so I wouldn't be caught off-guard when it happened. And since then, it's been Adam and I Against The World.
And so that's why, even though some days I go into work bleary eyed, tired, I know that Adam has gone through so much more- and I know that we have to find a cure, Adam's cure. There's not a cure to fix everyone, but there's gotta be a perfect combination for him, and I WILL find it, because I believe it's out there.
